I think i peed on brittanys purse
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
