So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
