Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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