I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
