Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
