Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Never joke about your clitoris.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
