i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
