OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
