My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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