There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
