Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
