Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
