Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
