You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
