Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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