dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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