I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
