gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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