Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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