When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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