I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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