There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
