I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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