Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
