He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
