I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
