i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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