I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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