Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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