its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
That reminds me...we need to get swords
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
