Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
