Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
