Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
