I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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