sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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