My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
