It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You're so nebulous sometimes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
