So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
