it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
