Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize