its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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