i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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