sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
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