u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
