if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
