have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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