i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
