I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
