so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The air taste purple.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
