I puked a lego.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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