my mouth tastes like poor choices
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
