Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
