I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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