Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
