Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
