You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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