Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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