He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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