go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
