He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
