I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
In America we eat man semen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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