one might say we're banned from that church
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize