My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
