Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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