I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
