Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize