I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
last night I used snow as a chaser
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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