Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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