I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
