You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
