for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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