turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize