I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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