You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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