making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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