Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this just has baby written all over it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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