Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize