Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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