Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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