Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize