there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
