i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
