we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
