would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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