Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
