I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
