I wannas sexs uuuuu
i was born a porn star she said
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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