omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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