The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
