Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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