the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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