Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
