I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
