oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize