Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Randomize
