WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
