so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize