you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize