Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
