By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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