I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
