I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
