Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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