you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
