Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
