I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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