So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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