it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we should paint friendship bongs
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