my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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