Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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