Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize