Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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