please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He shit in the fireplace
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
