That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
