How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
