Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
