I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
