Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
