Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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