Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
