she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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