Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
