"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize