mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i love accidental penises.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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